Time I Can't Get Back

I saw Disturbia yesterday with Laura and John. For the life of me I cannot figure out why this movie is topping the box office because it was really trite and pretty freaking boring. I nearly fell asleep during parts of it. Maybe it just means that I'm dead inside because the group of girls behind us screamed at every little thing that happened in the movie, like, when the bad guy walked into a room. It's clearly billed as a scary movie, you really couldn't figure out that he was going to be sneaking up on a few people? Anyway, thanks to the Shrieky McPussykins clan, I was never able to actually fall asleep. Oh, and as part of the "scary", one of my countrymen took a baseball bat to the head. There were no black people in the movie so evidently Asians are next on the food chain while the white people run around screaming. Surprisingly enough he didn't die, but I'll give you three guesses as to which ethnicity did bite it, and the first two don't count.

So, that was two hours of my life I can't get back. Not nearly as bad as Jeepers Creepers, but very few things are. I was drifting off to sleep last night trying to think of movies and other occupations that were a bigger waste of time than Disturbia. I can't remember if I've already blogged on this type of subject, but if I have, tough tukkus.

Chunks of My Life I Can't Ever Get Back

• Jeepers Creepers. This movie actually made me mad that I saw it for free on a movie network that I wasn't paying for while I lived in Chicago. You don't always pay for an experience in dollars. Sometimes you end up paying in bitter, bitter regret.
  
• The Grudge. By the time the inspector brought the gasoline can at the end, I nearly yelled out "FINALLY. BURN THAT MOTHER DOWN AND END THIS STUPID MOVIE." The only reason I didn't was because I was watching it on an airplane and I would probably have been taken down by US Marshals. I would hope that I would have been anyway.
  
• Ringu. It was touted as being sooooo much better than the American version. It wasn't. Having already seen the American version, it was a waste of time to watch the same movie with Japanese actors instead.
  
• The time I spent reading the book Hannibal.
• The time I spent watching the movie Hannibal. I clearly don't learn my lessons after one clubbing over the head. To my credit, I didn't watch the whole thing, but damn that 20-30 minutes sucked.
  
• The MCAT. Yes, back in the day I was studying pre-med for about 15 minutes before I changed my mind. My dad talked me into taking the MCAT anyway - "just try it" was his reasoning. As though an eight-hour exam was something you can just taste and decide if you like it, like caviar on toast points. (Which I also don't like by the way) Time actually stopped in the Biological Sciences portion of the exam and I was stuck in that room for about 15 days. When I finally got home I got so unbelievably drunk that I thought I was sober again, and subsequently got into a shoving match with some guy at a bar. Yeah, trainwreck day from beginning to pathetic, liver-in-active-rebellion end,
• Any time spent watching Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee on the Food Network, which happens to be what was on tv as I write up this post. I think her premise is something like teaching you how to kind of cook/kind of just tart up stuff you bought from the store. So, half-assed cooking. Which is ok really if the stuff turns out edible, but she just made bacon-wrapped hot dogs which she put in the oven, and when she took them out of the oven chirping about how deeeeeeeelicious they looked, the fact is that the bacon was still pale pink and mostly raw-looking. So, half-assed to no-assed cooking whatsoever.

This list could really go on forever, but it would be somewhat ironic for me to sit here writing about how I've wasted time as opposed to going and finding something valuable to do with my time today, especially since today's so freaking beautiful. Toodles all!

The Vagaries of Dreams and Bananas

In case my 7 readers haven't noticed, I have some pretty weirdass dreams. I listen to accounts of dreams from other people, and while they seem a bit kooky/funny, they're still mostly logical. My dreams are just fugged up sometimes.

Last night I dreamed that I went to Dopey's new apartment (he questions the code name "the boy") to help with unpacking. There were boxes everywhere and we started making out, like we have once or twice in the past. Then I notice this woman sleeping on his couch, who I at first thought was his ex, but it turns out she was his mom, and I was uber pissed that he didn't tell me she was there so huffed out the door. I vaguely recall his response was to run after me and tell me she wasn't Korean or something. Buh?

Next I dreamed that I was trying to kill a hugeass roach. Every time I clunked it, it got bigger and more cartoony-looking, till finally it was just staring at me with huge cartoon sad eyes and I didn't have the heart to kill it. This was all during a phone call with someone from Italy. I don't know anyone in Italy.

In the waking world, things aren't making much more sense, because I went to search for a banana bread recipe only to be accosted by this recipe for...CHEESY HAM AND BANANA CASSEROLE. If you threw up a little in your mouth reading that, it's ok because I did too. Sometimes Paula Deen's stuff doesn't look too bad, but other times it looks like she just lets things fall from her fridge into her mixing bowl.

Clowns DO Suck

I just watched an episode of Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations on the Travel Channel, and he was in Osaka and refused to get his picture taken next to a clown because he's scared of clowns. That man's not afraid of anything but he admits that clowns are fuckers. I wonder if I can get Chuck Norris and David Hasselhoff to admit that clowns are fuckers too.

Observations

My chubby kitty Molly is lying next to me on the couch, steadily cranking out her little boat-motor purr. If I rub her belly she meeps and paddypaws the air. She makes me very happy.

I watched part of a tv show this weekend about wedding planning where the bride's gown was $7,000 and the budget for the wedding was another $80,000. There is just no way I can relate to that. I guess it says something about the very massive range of priorities we humans can have. Or something like that.

The boy and I saw the new baby polar bear at Brookfield Zoo on Saturday. He was so ridiculously cute...the crowd erupted in cheers when he emerged from a hiding place in the bear grotto. I wonder what goes through his head when that happens.

Billy Ray Cyrus is performing on ABC's Dancing with the Stars. He doesn't have a mullet anymore. He does however have a soul patch, which I consider to be the second-most cringeworthy accessory that a man can have outside of a leather bananahammock. That's really all I can say about that.

Dual-tuner DVR's aren't the best thing ever. But they are pretty freaking cool.

I've been thinking I should try to start a new knitting project but I have no idea what. Every once in a while I think about trying to learn to knit socks but I've just not been in the mood for complete and total frustration.

I have the latest Amy Tan novel, Saving Fish From Drowning, but ever since I read an article that mentioned she is friends with Rupert Murdoch, I've been less inclined to pick it up and finish it. Maybe he's a lovely person outside of his evil News Corp regime, but I kind of doubt it. It might be unfair to judge/dismiss a person's work based on what you know of his/her personal life, but I can't help it that I hear Bill O'Reilly whining every time I look at the book now.