All the women present were anxious to understand why the male is always adjusting. I had personally always thought that it was a form of checking to make sure Junior and the Wangettes are still there, and that the male is really not even aware that he's doing it, or if he is, he considers himself to be conducting the act in a really sneaky and surreptitious manner. 007 grabbing, if you will.
But it occurred to me that perhaps this is making it too simplistic. Maybe there is a "home position", a position that if Junior were to veer too far from, chemical and spiritual imbalances would take place in the man. Electrolytes out of whack, cardiac arrhythmia. Or at the very least, discomfort. This actually turned out to be the case (or the most acceptable explanation) for the poor man present for the discussion.
Why then, do men continue to do it while sitting? We understand adjusting before sitting down, and after standing up. Things are bound to move. But is there shifting while men are in a seated position? I think there must be, especially if they cross their legs. But if they are sitting still, why the adjusting then?
Then of course, there's the more obvious reasoning, that men adjust to let women (or men if they are gay) know that look, there is a wang here, and yes, the buffet is open for business. I further postulate that if a man is, how do we say, genitally challenged, he would also want to conduct status checks to make sure his works haven't disappeared completely.
So men, if you are reading, please post a comment and let us know which of the following explanations suits your acts of adjustment (you may of course pick more than one, but if you do, please note which reason is the most frequent/important)
- You need to get it back into a comfortable "home position"
- You want to make sure it is still there
- You want everyone else to know it is still there
- It itches, ok???
- You have no idea what I'm talking about and you never do this. (note: selecting this option classifies you as a dirty liar)
Thanks in advance for your cooperation,
D
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6 comments:
Donna- here is my reason. I need to get it back into a comfortable "home position" My boys & the one eyed snake needs to be in a comfortable position all of the time otherwise it's irritating. If that area is not happy, then I am definitely not happy as a person. That area needs to be free & nothing should interfere...
Haven't you seen "Just one of the Guys"? It's something all men do because "all balls itch".
Personally I think in some members of the male sex it is just a subconscious, habitual act, like nail biting, where the person doing it doesn't notice.
Dear anatomically ignorant,
In the case of shifting for comfort, yes, it is true that discomfort occurs often, especially while sitting, due to the different sized testicles. It would be extremely difficult to walk if both testicles were the same size. So, each testicle is constantly fighting for position causing discomfort and leading to the shift. While the testicle scrum is occurring, the penis is often displaced, and even caught in the middle. If you see some gentlemen adjusting in plain view, they most likely are not even aware of their action because it is a natural occurence to relieve discomfort, asap.
Thank you,
LOTS
(Spokesperson for the group, Layoff the Testicle Shift (LOTS))
The reason i adjust the wedding tackle is that most of the time its just not comfortable where i left it or where it ended up. Its not because the junk is all important - its just that it needs to moved every few minutes - or my junk will block brain activity.
i adjust because:
A) there is a comfortable home position that needs to be maintained.
B) i get paranoid if the boys aren't fighting, gotta make sure they're still there
C) I'm a guy, I want eveyone else to know it's there, ready and waiting
D) it's cooped up in warm, confined space all day, it sweats, it itches.
5) I'm a guy; I lie, so if you ask me this in public......I NEVER ADJUST
I am sure I speak on behalf of all men when I say we move it from a position of discomfort to a position of comfort, it takes a fraction of a second, and generally we do our best to conceal it. Really. We do.
You could be wrapped up in a conversation over dinner or reading a book or taking a walk and you would notice that momentary shift on the other side of the restaurant or across the street. It's like you have junk shift radar!
Why are girls so offended by the fixing of junk discomfort? The looks of disgust and public admonishments about stuff we're trying to keep quick and private - wow! I've seen plenty of bras adjusted in public settings and I don't remember guys getting upset about it. Then again, we like thinking about you adjusting your various bits, so maybe that's not a fair comparison.
Such a diatribe from someone of the gender which applies eyeliner in the rear view mirror while driving! (perhaps not you personally, but it's a common practice)
Next you'll be telling us that putting a toilet seat down is more difficult than lifting it up. ;-)
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