Stand Back If You Don't Want Any On You

waaaah.

waaaaaaaaaaaah.

WAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAH (boom boom boom boom boom boom)

Yes it's true I'm back from the blogging netherworld. I'm not sure right now what I'll have to say, but I can almost guarantee it won't be worth the wait.

Not much has been going on with me. As far as knitting accomplishments go, I think I can knit a mitten. That is to say I'm about halfway through a mitten for my quasi-almost-sister-in-law Kelly, but I think it will be too small so I'm going to start over. It just fits my hand and she's taller than me so I expect her hands are longer and might be bigger. Other than that I've started working on knit presents for the upcoming barrage of autumn/winter birthdays and Christmas. If you don't want a knit present from me this year, go find another friend. Just kidding. Not really though.

Hard to think about autumn and winter when it is a screeching 100 degrees out today. I have seen a mama cat and her two kittens periodically in my backyard - they come back because I put food out for them - and I hope they've found a cool spot to hang out today. I think they are roosting in the wooded area across the street so at least they'll have shade. I've called a local trap/spay/release organization, but I think I might have erased a message from them last week (mistaken for a telemarketing call). Not sure yet how I'll catch them - I don't want to catch mama without her kittens or vice versa.

My parents are both retired now - Dad just retired June 30. While I'm happy for them, one of them must get a job or they will end up killing each other. And/or me. Last weekend, Mom said she was going to buy me a couple of metal stands and some hanging plants to hang from them for my front door and back patio. Monday morning I'm working at home and on a conference call when the doorbell rings loudly and repeatedly. I open the door (thank God for mute) and tell my dad I'm on the phone. He gives me the thumbs up and proceeds to install the plant stands (they're the kind that are just a metal pole with a curve at the top and and a hook at the end to hang the plant off of)

The next day, I'm cooking lunch and I hear noises in the garage. I freak out thinking an animal's gotten in or something. No, just turns out to be my parents again - Mom's lining up my shoes by a storage rack and Dad's cleaning the porch cement where fertilizer from my potted flowers has left stains. Seriously, they must find something to occupy their time other than my house.

I about fell down when I saw Lee Iacocca in the Chrysler commercials (and George Costanza alongside him) I didn't even know that cat was still alive. According to Wikipedia he's 81. Looks pretty ok for 81, in my opinion. George Costanza's gotten old though (and I don't mean Jason Alexander's age in years)

I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - just stupendous. I want it on DVD right now. Johnny Depp is frigging brilliant as Willy Wonka. The little kid who plays Charlie is wonderful - he's practically luminescent. I nearly did a jig in the theatre when he found the Golden Ticket. I do have to rent Finding Neverland to see these two in action together again. But I kind of wish people would stop comparing this film (Charlie & the CC) with the original. In my opinion, both are great for different reasons, and I don't think either film's greatness takes away from the other.

Just when I'm convinced my baby girl cat, Molly, is dumber than the cardboard box I brought her home in. she proves me wrong. I have one of those little laser light toys that she loves more than she loves me (which seeing as how she sniffs and nibbles on my feet like they are Callebaut chocolates, I assume her love for me knows no bounds). Anyway, I haven't brought it out for a few weeks, and usually we play with it upstairs. Today I took it off the tv downstairs and the jingle of the keychain evoked a huge "MEEEW?" from Molly, who then proceeded to look around for the light of the Laser Angels which she knew would shortly arrive. Guinness lost interest in the thing a long time ago once he figured out that the source of the light was me and not Satan's minions whom he hoped to vanquish. Molly knows where the light comes from and DEMANDS the light thingie produce more Laser Angel goodness when it stops.

My quasi-nephew Alex had his first birthday party last week. He smeared the cake all over his 10-yr old Uncle Michael. He also got into the frozen hard lemonade that his mom put down for 3 seconds. Those crazy Irish. Steve (his dad) has also taught Alex that when Steve holds out his arm and opens/closes his hand, Alex brings him the remote. I wish I could teach my cats to do that.

I kind of want to get a copy of L.Ron Hubbard's Dianetics, but I really do not want to leave a trail of vitamins to my door for Scientologists to come and bug the crap out of me. Anyway, I don't want to cast aspersions on anyone's religion. If you want to believe that Earth was seeded by aliens who look like John Travolta in the worst dreads ever seen on a white man (and considering all dreads on white men suck, that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel), that's totally ok with me. Just don't try and force your religion on me, and we'll get along fine. Oh, and if you could shove Tom Cruise's head a little farther up his own ass, that'd be great. Because we can still hear him talk, and I don't like that.

Speaking of not shoving your religion on others, I'd really like to start my own religion called We'reAllHumanBeingsAndYou'reNotOneFarkingBitBetterThanAnyone
ElseSoShutYourProselytizingYapology. I can't imagine what the signs for the churches will cost me though.

I need a lotto revival. If you find one, please let me know. Until then it's back to the grind.

Cheers,
D