Sunday, July 31, 2005

Accomplishments and Annoyances

Welcome to my stream of consciousness.

Why do I doubt that Tag Body Spray for Men actually makes women's blouses pop open? I really think that's more due to shoddy manufacturing (Nothing against the poor sweatshop kids, it's impossible to produce haute couture when making shirts for 20 hours a day at a penny a shirt)

My dog is Tom Cruise. This piece is delightful, although I do think it insults dogs. Scientologists, I can still hear Tom Cruise talking. I distinctly recall politely asking you to do something about that. I was flipping channels this weekend and came across Jerry Maguire. I realized that I was able to stomach most of this movie because Tom Cruise in the role of smarmy clueless asshole really clicks for me. It's just so natural. Although the movie sucked in that you never believe that his character and Renee Zellweger's really fell in love. Oh let's get married, oh let's break up, oh let's spend 14 minutes apart and realize that we really ARE in love so Tom Cruise can deliver a crappy teary monologue only to be interrupted by Renee Zellweger admitting that she's easy. Whatever.

I knitted a lace scarf for my friend Brenda's birthday. Yes sports fans, I can do lace. Sort of. It's a pain in the butt though - I might do one for my mom for Christmas, kind of like a table runner thing, but I don't think I'll do those too often. Especially not in the face of 8 (or is it 10?) birthdays I have to handle in the Sept-Dec timeframe. BEFORE Christmas.

Queen of the Universe's blog spurred me into finishing Life of Pi which I bought many moons ago and never finished. It started off good, but kind of slow, so I got distracted, but it gets really good in the second half, in my opinion. The sheer extent and detail of the author's (Yann Martel) imagination is just dazzling. Sometimes depressing and horrifying, but dazzling. I have a couple of depressing books on the Rwandan genocide to work on now, including A Sunday by the Pool in Kigali.

I REALLY want to see March of the Penguins. I don't know why but I am just a sucker for penguins. (For anyone who wants to theorize that it's my subconscious desire to be surrounded by tuxedo-clad creatures - like I would be at say, my wedding - I'm here to tell you...hmm, maybe. But I doubt it. And if I marry someone who actually walks like a penguin, he will need to have a lot of other redeeming characteristics.)

I discovered during the Daily Show's interview with Sen. Rick Santorum, that I actually have something in common with the junior Republican senator from Pennsylvania. And no, it's not a secret desire for hot anal action. It seems he's written a book called It Takes a Family (super original title by the way, Ricky) and his take-home message is that personal accountability and learning of virtue starts at home. The family has the first and strongest influence on teaching a child right from wrong. Bravo!!! Excellent!!! TWO THUMBS WAY UP!!!

However, he went on to say that it is thus government's duty to protect the best, most ideal structure of family, which of course is man + woman = good babbies. Jon Stewart asked something along the lines of - would it not be better for a committed, loving, homosexual couple or a single parent who don't have an intimate relationship with cocaine to raise a child rather than say, an alcoholic or otherwise abusive heterosexual couple? Santorum sputtered (ain't THAT a visual by the way - Santorum sputtering) that this was comparing best case vs. worst case. Um, yeah? So? Those best and worst cases DO HAPPEN. OFTEN. Also I noticed that Sen. Santorum's face is unusually smooth and hairless, as though he had laser hair removal. Or he's a FemBot.

Well, it's off to bed for me, I have to get up and listen to my second-most sweet baboo-ey of sweet baboo's tomorrow first thing in the morning.

Toodles!

D

My Eyes on John (Or Pacifying a Blog-Challenged Crybaby)

My friend John who replied to my previous questionnaire insisted I answer the questions for him even though he no longer has a blog of his own because as he puts it, he needs "luv"

My Answers for John
1. Who are you? Pharaoh. And don't forget it.
2. Are we friends? As much as a white man and asian woman can be friends without a contract and monetary compensation.
3. When and how did we meet? At Maestro Commerce when I was hired. The mook didn't even stand up to greet me.
4. Do you have a crush on me? No.
5. Would you kiss me? No.
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. Mook.
7. Describe me in one word. Mook.
8. What was your first impression? EVERYONE here scares me. I want my mommy.
9. Do you still think that way about me now? Only when the wafro is particularly belligerent.
10. What reminds you of me? Fried chicken, butter, and farts
11. If you could give me anything what would it be? Fried chicken for life
12. How well do you know me? Just as well as I want to, and NO MORE.
13. When's the last time you saw me? When we saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and John gave his chicken and gnocchi to complete strangers
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? No, I don't want to anger the CIA. But I'm sure Karl Rove will eventually tell John for me.
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you? No.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

All Eyes on ME

Stolen from the Sarchasm and Cillic Braindump, here are the questions, do what you will

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Stand Back If You Don't Want Any On You

waaaah.

waaaaaaaaaaaah.

WAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAH (boom boom boom boom boom boom)

Yes it's true I'm back from the blogging netherworld. I'm not sure right now what I'll have to say, but I can almost guarantee it won't be worth the wait.

Not much has been going on with me. As far as knitting accomplishments go, I think I can knit a mitten. That is to say I'm about halfway through a mitten for my quasi-almost-sister-in-law Kelly, but I think it will be too small so I'm going to start over. It just fits my hand and she's taller than me so I expect her hands are longer and might be bigger. Other than that I've started working on knit presents for the upcoming barrage of autumn/winter birthdays and Christmas. If you don't want a knit present from me this year, go find another friend. Just kidding. Not really though.

Hard to think about autumn and winter when it is a screeching 100 degrees out today. I have seen a mama cat and her two kittens periodically in my backyard - they come back because I put food out for them - and I hope they've found a cool spot to hang out today. I think they are roosting in the wooded area across the street so at least they'll have shade. I've called a local trap/spay/release organization, but I think I might have erased a message from them last week (mistaken for a telemarketing call). Not sure yet how I'll catch them - I don't want to catch mama without her kittens or vice versa.

My parents are both retired now - Dad just retired June 30. While I'm happy for them, one of them must get a job or they will end up killing each other. And/or me. Last weekend, Mom said she was going to buy me a couple of metal stands and some hanging plants to hang from them for my front door and back patio. Monday morning I'm working at home and on a conference call when the doorbell rings loudly and repeatedly. I open the door (thank God for mute) and tell my dad I'm on the phone. He gives me the thumbs up and proceeds to install the plant stands (they're the kind that are just a metal pole with a curve at the top and and a hook at the end to hang the plant off of)

The next day, I'm cooking lunch and I hear noises in the garage. I freak out thinking an animal's gotten in or something. No, just turns out to be my parents again - Mom's lining up my shoes by a storage rack and Dad's cleaning the porch cement where fertilizer from my potted flowers has left stains. Seriously, they must find something to occupy their time other than my house.

I about fell down when I saw Lee Iacocca in the Chrysler commercials (and George Costanza alongside him) I didn't even know that cat was still alive. According to Wikipedia he's 81. Looks pretty ok for 81, in my opinion. George Costanza's gotten old though (and I don't mean Jason Alexander's age in years)

I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - just stupendous. I want it on DVD right now. Johnny Depp is frigging brilliant as Willy Wonka. The little kid who plays Charlie is wonderful - he's practically luminescent. I nearly did a jig in the theatre when he found the Golden Ticket. I do have to rent Finding Neverland to see these two in action together again. But I kind of wish people would stop comparing this film (Charlie & the CC) with the original. In my opinion, both are great for different reasons, and I don't think either film's greatness takes away from the other.

Just when I'm convinced my baby girl cat, Molly, is dumber than the cardboard box I brought her home in. she proves me wrong. I have one of those little laser light toys that she loves more than she loves me (which seeing as how she sniffs and nibbles on my feet like they are Callebaut chocolates, I assume her love for me knows no bounds). Anyway, I haven't brought it out for a few weeks, and usually we play with it upstairs. Today I took it off the tv downstairs and the jingle of the keychain evoked a huge "MEEEW?" from Molly, who then proceeded to look around for the light of the Laser Angels which she knew would shortly arrive. Guinness lost interest in the thing a long time ago once he figured out that the source of the light was me and not Satan's minions whom he hoped to vanquish. Molly knows where the light comes from and DEMANDS the light thingie produce more Laser Angel goodness when it stops.

My quasi-nephew Alex had his first birthday party last week. He smeared the cake all over his 10-yr old Uncle Michael. He also got into the frozen hard lemonade that his mom put down for 3 seconds. Those crazy Irish. Steve (his dad) has also taught Alex that when Steve holds out his arm and opens/closes his hand, Alex brings him the remote. I wish I could teach my cats to do that.

I kind of want to get a copy of L.Ron Hubbard's Dianetics, but I really do not want to leave a trail of vitamins to my door for Scientologists to come and bug the crap out of me. Anyway, I don't want to cast aspersions on anyone's religion. If you want to believe that Earth was seeded by aliens who look like John Travolta in the worst dreads ever seen on a white man (and considering all dreads on white men suck, that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel), that's totally ok with me. Just don't try and force your religion on me, and we'll get along fine. Oh, and if you could shove Tom Cruise's head a little farther up his own ass, that'd be great. Because we can still hear him talk, and I don't like that.

Speaking of not shoving your religion on others, I'd really like to start my own religion called We'reAllHumanBeingsAndYou'reNotOneFarkingBitBetterThanAnyone
ElseSoShutYourProselytizingYapology. I can't imagine what the signs for the churches will cost me though.

I need a lotto revival. If you find one, please let me know. Until then it's back to the grind.

Cheers,
D