Cracked Heart

Why is the right thing to do almost never an easy thing to do?

I know I never do this, but I could use some hugs from my 7 readers.

Douchebags du Jour

The world is full of douchebags. These are the first two that came to my attention today.

Premium catch of a man hates fatties and poor people.

Please let me elect a stupid cruel asshat to run the country. Again.

ETA: On a happier note, so NOT a douchebag:

Rahm Emanuel calls shenanigans on Darth Cheney

(Emanuel's not the douchebag. Darth Cheney TOTALLY is a douchebag.)

Road Trip

This weekend I took a road trip with a friend to his hometown of Traverse City, Michigan, which is in the northwestern part of the state off Lake Michigan. The only part of Michigan I'd seen before this trip was eastern Michigan near Ann Arbor, so this was new to me. It was about a 6 hr drive from my house - not too horrible but that's easier to say when I didn't have to do the driving.

There are some really gorgeous views of the lake and hills in that area (yes, living in Illinois I am easily impressed by real hills) and I got to go down to the beach and stick my feet in the water for a bit. We also got to check out the winery at Black Star Farms in Suttons Bay - the wines seemed a bit strong to all of us but the Raclette cheese was quite tasty. All in all a really nice weekend, replete with embarrassing childhood stories about my friend and general abuse of said friend.

In other news, I start my bellydancing class 2 weeks from Thursday. I would bring a webcam so you all could see the glory of the seismic event that will be my ass shaking, except I know at least 3 of you bastards would put that crap up on youtube within seconds.

Oil Spill, or What Americans Will Incomprehensibly Do to Avoid Exercising

A friend sent me this hilarious link regarding the new FDA-approved diet pill, alli, which apparently is a half dose of Xenical. Xenical would be the prescription weight loss pill whose greatest gift to the world was billed as "oily anal leakage". Anyway, read the link, it is priceless. I knew I missed the boat in college when I didn't major in "Bilking Silly Americans Out of a Freaking Fortune Using the Weight Loss Industry."

Atheist Goats, Polytheistic Elephants, and the Question of Cross-Species Breeding

My peregrinations around the internet led me to this site which, if they're serious, and I expect they are, I don't think that we'd get along well, seeing as how they'd want to shove Jesus down my throat, and I personally would rather wait till the third date, at least. Editor's Note: Thankfully it seems to be a spoof!

However, they have some of the best t-shirts for sale that I've ever seen, including my new personal favorite:



Joining Mr. Gruff in the confused unwashed masses of the heathens is Habu, the polytheistic elephant who could save himself (herself?) a lot of headaches if s/he would just ask about the big JC.

I also noticed a strangely isolated bit of openmindedness among the starring characters on the website:

"Lambuel is a lamb who is devoted to God and knows that Jesus loves him a whole bunch! He likes going to Church, witnessing on the street corner to passersby, and having adventures in Faith with all his friends!"

and

"Ruby is a lioness who goes to the same Christian elementary school as Lambuel. She thinks Lambuel is cute and wants to marry him one day! She prays she will grow up to be a virtuous, God-fearing woman and earn Lambuel's Luv!"

Here's Lambuel. And here's Ruby

Now I may be as lax a Christian as they come, but even I know cross-species breeding is frowned upon. Also, it's spelled "love" not "luv". It's right there in the Bible.

---

An afterword/commentary between John and myself:
Donna: did you know the Christians condoned cross-species breeding?
John: i just can't believe you missed the Chuck Norris banner on the home page
Donna: that site is chockfull of wonders and treasures - I couldn't capture it all
John: Christianity should be in the home, and the dojo
Donna: Jesus is the only one who ever made Chuck Norris back down
John: a three way battle-royale between Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Hoff? Who would win?
Donna: today?
John: this very minute
Donna: today the Hoff would lose almost instantly b/c of all the drunken - well maybe he could do drunken boxing?
John: even sobriety can't beat the Hoff
Donna: but Chuck Norris and Jesus can
John: That was how the last Big Bang occurred
John: they all threw a punch at the same time
Donna: don't start that - the Hoff is already still all wound up about not getting credit for the Berlin Wall coming down
John: every German loves the Hoff, and that's what united them above all.
Donna: that and his piano key scarf

Izzard/Stewart Sandwiches and the Decline of Society

Last week Eddie Izzard was a guest on the Daily Show. Eddie Izzard and Jon Stewart. If I were to be convinced to do a threesome, this would be one of the first combos to try out on me.

In other news, Paris Hilton had to go back to the pokey. B. o. o. h. o. o. Seriously, if you wanted to look at this in a purely financial, profit-maximizing light, (which I wouldn't but I'm sure the Hiltons would) she should have shut her yap, served her time, and made a giant contribution to MADD or some similar organization and at least pretend that she comprehends the potential consequences of a DUI. Instead, we have a 25+ yr old screaming for her mommy in the courtroom. And if you're like me and don't want to contribute to the Hiltons' vacuousness ever again, here's the hotels in the Hilton Hotel Group. I hate that I spent that much time talking about Paris Hilton, but I really think she is a sad icon of what's wrong with the world today. Talent and laws just don't matter as long as you're rich, thin, and your legs spread like room temperature butter.

An Unfortunate, Unintentional Event, or How I Infect People with Alan Keyes

So Laura and I were talking today about a relatively unimportant subject, when I accidentally infected her with Alan Keyes.

Creme de la Commie: too bad your cuz isn't still living with you, you could take her with and leave her as a gift
Donna: that would just be a gift to me, no one else
Creme de la Commie: a gift, nonetheless
Donna: nah, a gift like that should be reserved for someone like Alan Keyes
Creme de la Commie: true
Donna: i wonder what he's up to now
Donna: no
Donna: no i guess i really don't
Creme de la Commie: I forgot he existed until you brought him up
Donna: shit
Donna: sorry
Creme de la Commie: it's ok
Creme de la Commie: it's probably best to keep one eye half on people like him

So unfortunately, this led me on a Google search to see what Alan Keyes really is up to, or if he's just holed up in a bunker somewhere waiting for Jesus to tell him who JC's voting for in 2008.

Alan Keyes is still a nutjob.

And really that's all I want to say about that. Except for

Donna: I should blog about how I infect people with Alan Keyes
Creme de la Commie: You do... totally
Creme de la Commie: whenever I see you, I think "What's Alan Keyes up to"

And now my other 7 readers will too. I'm sorry. I truly am.

Stream of Consciousness

Seriously, the TB idiot's story still makes no sense to me. Now he's not even really married? Something stinks in the state of Denmark, but then again, it usually does around personal-injury lawyers.

Yesterday I got to see a bunch of people I went to high school with. It's so funny how we all look and act the same after 18 years. Ugh. Did I say 18 years? Anyway it was really good to see everyone.

I'm signed up for the bellydancing class at CLC. I would have liked to do the beginner yoga class as well but it conflicts timewise with the bellydancing and I doubt I'm ready for an intermediate yoga class. It starts July 12. In the meantime I got a bellydance instruction DVD to try and familiarize myself with some moves, and I am here to tell you folks, that shit is hard. I was fine doing circles with my hips, but then the freak bellydancing lady wanted me to do circles with my hips followed by circles with my pelvis followed by circles with my chest. My body just doesn't do things like that. Not yet anyway.

A Democratic Presidential candidate debate is on CNN right now and Wolf Blitzer seems to be moderating. This has to be giving him such a hard-on after so many fruitless soul-sucking months of covering JonBenet Ramsey leads and Anna Nicole Smith. Then again, (although I certainly agree with Democrats more than I'll ever agree with Republicans) it's quite possible that a sizable group of Democrats has the collective power to deflate any erection.