Stonehenge of the Pith (or No Actor Should Be Judged in the Context of Bad George Lucas Dialogue)

Stone·henge ( P ) Pronunciation Key (stnhnj)
A group of standing stones on Salisbury Plain in southern England. Dating to c. 2000-1800 B.C., the megaliths are enclosed by a circular ditch and embankment that may date to c. 2800. The arrangement of the stones suggests that Stonehenge was used as a religious center and also as an astronomical observatory.

pith ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pth)
tr.v. pithed, pith·ing, piths
To sever or destroy the spinal cord of, usually by inserting a needle into the vertebral canal.

I went to see Revenge of the Sith last week with Johnny and Laura. If you don't want to know what happens, stop reading.

I mean it.

Ok but don't come crying to me saying I spoiled it for you.

Episode III was much much better than Episodes I or II. But, that's a little like saying influenza is much much better than Ebola. You really have to judge it on an entirely different scale, where "excellent" is not physically possible.

And this is because George Lucas is a bad writer. He cannot write love/emotional scenes to save his life. (Best Star Wars love scene - "I love you." "I know." Here comes the carbonite!!! Even this was probably a save from Larry Kasdan) This is truly a shame, because Revenge of the Sith could have been a much more interesting and compelling movie if you actually believed that Anakin and Padme really loved each other. As it stands, Anakin's surrender to the Dark Side comes off like the act of a whiny bitch who would rather look for a magic cure-all than truly fight for what he knows is the right thing to do. By the time Anakin gets his (and a little credit to good choreography and special effects, he does get it in spectacular fashion) my only thought was "Good, you little asshole, now get that Vader mask on so I don't have to see you crying anymore."

This was an enjoyable movie (especially since John, Laura or I - can't remember who - called a "KHAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!" moment - and whoever it was, was right) - enough so that it made me really mad that it could have been really excellent had it not been for the horrible script. The dialogue is so flat and uninteresting that I could not sympathize with any of the characters no matter how much I wanted to. When the most evocative character is R2D2, something is wrong with the writing. I read about people panning Hayden Christiansen, Natalie Portman, and Ewan MacGregor for their performances, but I maintain that it is impossible to be a good actor with George Lucas dialogue. When life hands you chicken, you can make chicken shit or chicken salad, but come on, what the hell are you supposed to do when George Lucas hands you chicken shit?

George Lucas is a bad writer, and he has made a bozillion dollars...by telling stories. It is one of the great inexplicable injustices of our time - right up there with GWB running the country and Tron not receiving any Academy Awards. But at least this particular injustice (I hope) has come to an end.

Cheers,
D

Oops (Or, They Say It Was Your Birthday)

While plowing through a backlog of unread emails in my hotmail account, I came across a birthday reminder for one Dr. Cowboy Joe Filkins. (who is second runner-up for being the Undisputed Sweet Baboo of My Life) It was Tuesday, May 10. Heh heh. Ooops.

So in honor of one of Dr. Filkins' favorite media, caustic haiku, I offer this in repentance and regret.

I am a loser
I forgot your birthday, Joe
You forgot mine too.

Huh. Amazing what your stream of consciousness speaking through haiku will remind you of. To the best of my memory, Cowboy Joe wrote me no poetry for my birthday. I don't feel bad anymore. And now you're third runner-up in the Sweet Baboo of My Life contest. You better be prepared to put up one HELL of a showing in the swimsuit competition to regain your standing.

Grandma Always Said "Don't Stick Your Hands in the Crazy"

I don't have any specific events to write about, so welcome to my stream of consciousness.

Old Navy shows no signs of repentance. A bathing suit commercial that ruins the Go-Go's "Our Lips Are Sealed"??? Wrong on SO MANY levels. Old Navy makes me fear for the future of our country, almost (but not quite) more than snot-nosed cell-phone-toting hooker teenagers.

I really wish concubines were legal. And that I would possibly have a shot in hell with Jon Stewart if they were. Or the snarky doc from Scrubs. Actually I don't know that the snarky doc is married. Maybe I should concentrate my efforts there. Seeing as how dudes kissing has the nation's fruit-of-the-looms in a twist, I probably shouldn't hold my breath hoping a petite Jewish entertainer can get him some hot harem action. And that I will be anywhere near the top of the waiting list.

Men should not ever wear ruffled shirts.

I sense Adam Sandler may be going the way of Eddie Murphy (on a much reduced scale of course) His latest movie appears to be about his organizing a prison football team (where he is an inmate) and the madcap high jinks that ensue. When I saw this commercial, had my expression gotten any flatter, my face would have gone concave.

Sometimes you just have to close your windows and yell at the top of your lungs (or the middle of your lungs if you live in a duplex) - "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!" Your cats will eventually come out from under the couches.

Renee Zellweger got married to some country music star after dating for 4 months. Thanks to celebrities, I never have to lose hope for my own marital aspirations. If it can happen for rich people, surely it can happen for me. That's what GWB tells me anyway.

Ok off to bed for me.
Toodles,
D

Behold the Awesome Power of the Mullet

I MUST have this.

My New Floor!

I'll blog more later, I promise, but just putting up pics of my slippery new laminate flooring that replaced the junko carpet my house came with...