So Laura and I were talking today, and I invited them up to my neck of the woods and noted that I could give them directions that would take them past the local Tacky Spectacle, the Onan Pyramid House. Now I am quite sure I showed this phenomenon to Laura when she visited a couple years ago, but I can hardly blame her for blocking it out. It is a spectacle both dazzling and underwhelmingly peculiar to behold.
It is, for lack of a better term, an "Egyptian compound" complete with pyramid, 50-foot Tut statue, hieroglyphics on the walls surrounding the compound, and if my memory doesn't completely fail me, a metal palm tree. All planted smack-dab in the midst of the lush cornfields of Gurnee, IL. Basically, it is what would happen if Britney Spears and the Luxor had a baby. Do you ever worry about the day when the universe could run out of Tacky? No, I don't either, but I have never had to worry about that possibility, seeing as how I've known about the Onan Pyramid House for years.
Move over, Liberace, (credit to Laura) because Tacky's got a brand new (or, decades-old) bag.
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I must have blocked it from my memory, because I have no recollection of that at all. The only spectacle I remember is the gigantic Bush/Cheney '04 banner in someone's front lawn.
But I also want to see the house that is painted like an American Flag... That, combined with the Onan house would fill my tacky quota for the year I think.
My favorite tacky trip is going around some areas of my childhood suburb during Christmas time. I'm surprised that they're allowed to put that much lights up so close to O'Hare- I'd be worried that the plane would mistake the street for a runway (I grew up a 10 minute drive from OHare). I was very sad though, the year that Carl showed me that K3 could out tacky my poor little northwest suburbs....
It's not nearly as extravagant as I imagined. It almost looks like an empty parking lot, fenced off with cheap plaster columns (yes, like those at the Luxor temple), and a Spinal Tap-sized replica of a paper mache pyramid painted mustard gold... I mean. If you're gonna build something like that... at least make it look better than a blown up version of a grade-school diorama
Yes, extravagant I could take a certain pleasure in, like the gloriously over-the-top tackiness of the Luxor and of Vegas in general. This is why I'm convinced that Britney Spears' genes had a hand in the Onan Pyramid House, rendering it pathetic and underwhelming to behold.
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