Two Weeks

So, two weeks from today I go in for the first major surgery of my life. Since finding out I need this surgery I haven't been scared nearly as much as pissed off. Granted, when I read about being on a ventilator I got a little oogy-feeling, and yesterday I went to the hospital for a blood test and looked around realizing that this is where I was going to be getting my slice-and-dice. A bit unsettling.

But mostly I'm just pissed off. It's a bad time to leave work, even though at this time I only have scheduled 7 days off of work. Thankfully I can start working at home quite soon, but from what my doctor said and reading other women's accounts on the web, it seems like fatigue is going to be plaguing me for a few weeks if not a couple of months.

I can't do full-on exercise for probably 4-6 weeks, and if you had told me even 3 years ago that I would be pissed off at not being able to work out, I would have spit my triple chocolate cupcakes in your face and laughed my ass off. I feel like I finally got my shit together and started a good and consistent workout regime, and God said "NO! You will have a tumor instead!" *flings down benign tumor in my path for effect* At any rate, all I can do is tell myself that the forced inactivity will make me doubly recommitted when I can be active again.

I know I should be grateful that things aren't worse. I know there are people who would kill to be sniping over relatively unimportant crap like I'm doing. This is just a pretty big gear-stripping for me, when I've been healthy and independent most of my life (my adult life anyway) and now I'll be temporarily incapacitated and will need to accept people's help. It's just a really weird change for me. But I do know it could be worse.

I thought about starting a separate blog to talk about my condition, my surgery, and the post-op experience, if for no other reason than a writer (and by that I only mean someone who likes to write) can get a story out of her own experiences. I still might do it, and maybe it will get some Google hits and help some women out there looking for accounts of what they might have to go through themselves.