Tuesday, August 30, 2005

You're Just Jealous Because the Voices Only Talk to Me

Katrina is a bitch. The misbegotten weather nightmare, not any specific person, so don't reply to this in outrage if you know and love a Katrina. I did know one Katrina once who was a bitch but I assume she's not indicative of all Katrinas. Anyhow, if you have been or know someone who has been affected by Katrina, I'm really sorry. What a farking mess. Horrible.

I came up with a new moniker for the pustulent evil scag in my office - Bizarro Visa - she's everywhere you don't want her to be.

I'm taking Thursday and Friday off, for which, thanks be to God and vacation accrual. Work sucks.

My latest get-rich novelty idea is knitted penis cozies. They would come in a limited size selection, since they would stretch. So far I have designs for candy cane, ,Rudolph the Red-Nosed Johnson, and Ribbed for YOUR Pleasure. (Candy cane could easily be adapted to sports teams and school colors) They will be knit from a soft acrylic yarn probably (ease of washing) unless you piss me off during the ordering process in which case yours will be knit from steel wool. No, I will not be taking custom measurements. Small sizes can be accomodated, and no one will laugh at them I promise. Even teeny weenies deserve to stay warm.

10 comments:

Laura said...

Um... RE: Darth Vader Hemlet... Pardon the intrusion, but isn't it already kinda shaped that way? A form-fitting, black cozy would do the trick wouldn't it?

Donna said...

Unless the intended wearer has a Prince Valiant head, I would need to use a very very thin yarn which adds to labor and costs. Unless you want a fishnet Darth Vader.

No big plans ZL, this is going to be a mental health break for me.

Pirate said...

make them of silk lass.

Donna said...

I forgot why I dislike working with customers ;-)

No silk, no sound chips. They will cut severely into my profit margin - I can't be spending everything on materials and labor. We are talking quantity not quality here, folks. You may despise my sweatshop mentality, but just remember, I am the sweatshop here.

Donna said...

As long as your customizations don't hurt anyone or enable johnson rapid-fire, I don't really care what happens after you pay for the goods. I would think a sound chip would be uncomfortable though, like a pebble in your shoe but worse. Also it could sound off at inopportune times.

Donna said...

Inopportune times for heavy breathing:

-job interview
-church
-meeting the significant other's family
-pantomime show
-asthmatics convention

I could go on but you see.

Those teas are really good, I've tried a bunch of the black flavored teas, and some of the green and white teas.

Donna said...

The penis itches no matter what, Laura. That's why men are always adjusting it. (Or so some of them tell me - see my blog post "Adjusting" from Jan 2005)

Laura said...

ZL: TOO MUCH INFORMATION

Laura said...

ok... now I must ask - why would you shave? I mean, I can see trimming. but shaving???

Donna said...

Again
TOO.
MUCH.
INFORMATION.